Managing Stress by Managing Self-Interest

This is not going to be a long read – just a thought that came as a result of observing myself the past 7 weeks after my stability was shaken and I moved back in with my family (I’ve been living alone and independently with a secure job for almost a year, until last July). I wrote this paragraph when I first sat down to write so forgive me for breaking my promise of it being a short read.

But isn’t it within your self-interest to live a meaningful life maintaining a satisfying degree of wellness? Are you really alive, without the ego?

I believe humans are inherently selfish. Philosophers have been arguing about this since the beginning of Philosophy but I believe there is some truth there. The practices of yoga primarily aim to eliminate (or at least shrink) the ego. Peace is found when the desires of the ego are no longer controlling your “true self”. But isn’t it within your self-interest to live a meaningful life maintaining a satisfying degree of wellness? Are you really alive, without the ego?

I rarely share a video or capture of my true authentic practice – because it is difficult to capture it beautifully. A forearm stand, however, would yield more likes.

It’s hard practicing yoga without getting an ego boost. Let’s face it, we’ve all felt “accomplished” after descending from a headstand or excessively sweating after a power yoga class. If you practice yoga (in the modern day world) you cannot claim that your practice is free from self-interest. There’s something there that is fueling your ego. Even what we choose to share on our social media platforms cannot be purely authentic without seeking social acceptance.

A lot of what some yoga practitioners (and I am one of them) choose to share on their Instagram account does not entirely reflect their self practice. My own personal practice is functional. That is, I practice what I feel my body and mind needs. Suffering bruises and soreness after a 2-hour out-door cycling adventure requires a specific practice for recovery. I would practice stress release techniques to release tension from the body. Essentially this would involve a foam roller and a tennis ball. This can be followed by slow mindful movement and deep stretches for my legs and hips. A lot of this requires slow asymmetric movement and would probably not look photogenic on camera. I rarely share a video or capture of my true authentic practice – because it is difficult to capture it beautifully. A forearm stand, however, would yield more likes. Not that forearm stand is not part of my real practice, but it is more a result of me practicing other strength, endurance and balance exercises. A forearm stand for me is the outcome, that represents the fruits of the journey, not the actual journey itself.

I struggle not when my mat unfolds but rather when my life does.

So even the yoga practice, at a pre-determined time and pre-determined space is practiced for the purpose of self-interest. Is the personal yoga practice then enough to test your ego? How do you know which is more involved – your ego or your true self? I feel comfortable on my mat, most the time. I struggle not when my mat unfolds but rather when my life does.

My latest struggle is creating a life without the support of a conventional full-time job. It’s easy to sign a contract full of benefits and stick to it. It’s easy being forced to rise early in the morning, spend a whole day at work and feel accomplished at the end of the day. Managing your own self and creating that reason to rise is a lot more challenging. I only say this with confidence because I’ve been there, and it was a hell lot easier than what I am doing now. Even if “Yoga Teacher & Indoor Cycling Coach” sounds more exotic than Lab Instructor in the Computer Engineering Dept..

I struggle less when I’m in a warrior pose on the safety of my own mat than when I need to employ the courage I have in an interview or a meeting. I struggle a lot more trying to keep my calm arguing with a family member than when I am sitting alone on my yoga mat.

But the ego is a lot more satisfied and powerful in fitness or yoga classes. Because you chose when to practice, you chose the instructor, you even chose the whereabouts of your mat with respect to the room and everyone else. You don’t get to make these convenient choices outside your fitness training or yoga practice.

I am not arguing that fitness and yoga classes do not mirror real-life experiences – because they do, and this is one of the main reasons why I practice and teach. Encouraging people to face challenges on the mat or on a spinning bike will re-wire their brain and encourage them to face challenges with more power in the real world. But the ego is a lot more satisfied and powerful in fitness or yoga classes. Because you chose when to practice, you chose the instructor, you even chose the whereabouts of your mat with respect to the room and everyone else. You don’t get to make these convenient choices outside your fitness training or yoga practice. You do not exactly get to choose the dynamics of your workplace. If you’re smart enough you can influence those dynamics, but you cannot change your boss, your co-workers and any other factors enforced by the corporation.

Synchronically, my mother is also going through energetically draining changes and she is truly being pushed outside her comfort zone. She’s been a teacher for as long as I can remember and this year is the year she retires. She’s been conquering battle after battle – from paperwork and packing to facing her emotional reactions to all of this change. To this day I am interchanging between putting my self-interest ahead, and putting it aside, to be there for her. And it is not why and when I am putting it ahead or aside that interests me, it is how I feel when I do either one.

The more I worry about my own situation, the more stressed I am. When I know a certain aspect about my situation may be beneficial to my mother or to those that surround me, the less stressed I am. I am glad I am here where my help is at her disposal, even though she might rarely and hesitantly ask for it. Being in a transitional stage (between a job that I had to a job I am still waiting to acquire) may sound like a nightmare when I think of my own self-interest, but is a virtue for my mother who is managing a lot more stress.

Stress is a natural response. You need stress and pain to survive. If your body didn’t react after being in touch with fire you would burn yourself. If you didn’t feel a fight or flight response after you encounter a lion (I’d suggest flight) you would also probably die depending if the lion felt threatened or hungry at the time. But we learned to suppress our reactions to these fight or flight responses (you can’t run away from your job or attack your employer with regards to morality) that we eventually developed chronic stress causing a myriad of physical, physiological and emotional complications. You feel continuously threatened at work and that causes you to tense up, which naturally means you force the shoulders upward and inward – a protection mechanism for your neck and head. You gradually develop a closed in posture – your shoulders are permanently tense and are pulled forward. You’re so lost in the experience you don’t even realize the posture you’re in or its effects on your mind and body.

But you can reverse that – easily, but consistently. There are basic principles – one of them is simply to look up! Look around. Take a deep breath. Lift your chest. Relax your shoulders. Just simple awareness to all these little details to take you out of that sunken heart feeling.

Sometimes you can make your life a lot easier by just simply taking your head out of your own ass.

When you take a look at the big picture of your surroundings objectively, and are aware of everyone else around you, this also gives you a chance to look at your situation objectively. Keep your self-interest there, you need it to survive, but you need to balance that out with “social” interest. Knowledge of your surroundings will give you a more balanced perception. You are no longer the victim. You are no longer the center of attention. You are no longer stressing about your challenges, because you are busy being empathetic about others’ challenges.

I wish I realized this sooner. I would have been more helpful. Instead of taking an excessive amount of fitness classes to release my emotions I could have sweat just as much helping my mother pack her boxes. This not only applies to my relationship with my mother, but also to other connections I left in Kuwait when I sought my independence in the UAE.

Sometimes you can make your life a lot easier by just simply taking your head out of your own ass.