Happiness, one mindful decision at a time.

My mother is a Palestinian who was born in Kuwait and lived pretty much most of her life there. My father moved from his home town in Palestine to go and work in Kuwait at age 18. A few years down the line they got married, gave birth to me and 4 other siblings. They created a loving home for all of us that we grew quite attached to. In the last three years our life has been turned upside down since my dad had to move to work in Jordan, and both my brothers left to study at college.  Both my sisters and I stayed with my mother in Kuwait as we still had ties there (work, college etc). Consequently we were all living in 4 different cities and we do a lot of traveling (mostly my mother does) to see each other. December 2018 life gave me the opportunity to relocate to the UAE working as a yoga teacher and I took it.

It amazes me how I can spend forever making a decision that is insignificant to my overall contentment, yet I make life-changing decisions within seconds.

Early this week I was at a local market in the city of Fujairah, UAE. I was looking for a coffee cup and saucer. I walked up and down the tableware aisle at the store for about 20 minutes deciding between different sizes and patterns. I finally settled on a set of 2 cups and saucers. It amazes me how I can spend forever making a decision that is insignificant to my overall contentment, yet I make life-changing decisions within seconds.

You are very likely to have been asked the question; “when making decisions, do you rely on your brain or your heart?”. The truth is there is no exclusive answer to this because we all rely on both. The difference is, when making a decision with reason and logic, your conscious brain needs time to process all the input. Decisions made “from the heart” come from deep within your unconscious. There is no processing here, it is a spontaneous decision – you just “know”.

About two months ago I was in Abu Dhabi for a week looking for a teaching position at one of the colleges there. I visit the UAE often and usually give a few of my friends there a call to catch up. So I called a friend and throughout the conversation he acknowledged that I was there looking for a job. He informed me there is this huge state of the art gym – “IRISIN” – opening in Fujairah where he lives (a city popular for it’s resorts in the UAE). He said they were looking for yoga teachers and asked me to send him my CV.

There were too many factors to consider. In making decisions that require a lot of calculation, I guess my mind fails miserably. That is why it is easier to rely on my brain to decide what flavor ice-cream I’d want to try than to logically explain why I am in love with someone.

Days later, in between interviews in Abu Dhabi, I received a call from an interviewer in Fujairah who would soon become my manager and head Coach. I had already looked up IRISIN’s website and Instagram, and within a few seconds into the interview I made a spontaneous decision – I was going to go for it. As usual, my mind starts to meddle with my decision, laying out different scenarios, bringing out the worst that could happen and the best that could happen. Not only was I dealing with my mind’s chatter but I also had a family that was feeding my mind all sorts of unrealistic what-ifs. My thoughts fluctuated for 2 weeks trying to come up with a logical explanation as to why I should or should not take this job. There were too many factors to consider. In making decisions that require a lot of calculation, I guess my mind fails miserably. That is why it is easier to rely on my brain to decide what flavor ice-cream I’d want to try than to logically explain why I am in love with someone.

Back in Kuwait in the city of Adan, I was driving to one of my clients’ for a personal yoga session. I had arrived too early, and I remembered that I hadn’t prayed the Asr (3rd prayer of the day for practicing Muslims). So I stopped by one of the nearby mosques. After prayer I sat in my car for a few minutes. Right then and there I decided to go with my initial spontaneous feeling and take the offer. I messaged my Dad, who at first wasn’t supportive of this move, but surprisingly that afternoon he gave me his blessing.

You are able to tune into a more peaceful presence. And it is here, in this peaceful state where you find the answers.

If a practicing Muslim is praying with intention (not merely to erase a chore off their checklist) they are able to find some level of contentment. We always desire more than what we have, but there’s this feeling that comes when you’re bowing before God – gratitude. And it is here in this space of gratitude that you find peace in mind. When the mind is still, you are able to listen.

The Yoga Sutras begin by defining Yoga as the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind translated from the Sanskrit definition “citta vrtti nirodaha”. Yoga practices like mindfulness are powerful in calming the mind. I was introduced to the true definition of mindfulness in Hong Kong last November. The word is used interchangeably with other words like Meditation and Awareness, which do not mean the same thing. Describing mindfulness in simple terms, it is practicing expansive awareness. That is while you are aware of internal patterns (in your body, breath and mind) you are still aware of external events and surroundings. Your sense of self is not lost in the experience. Practicing mindfulness significantly reduces the chatter in your mind. It brings a sense of contentment to the present moment. You are able to tune into a more peaceful presence. And it is here, in this peaceful state where you find the answers. Answer to the question of whether you should go through with your engagement or not, whether you should take that job offer, whether you should trust the housekeeper with your baby for a few hours.

My big decision making did not stop at accepting the job offer. First couple of weeks I was here I was traveling around town finding the optimal apartment to move into. The first apartment I was shown was recommended by my employer, manager and colleagues. The building is home to most of the company’s employees, and all my fellow instructors live there. Yet my first impression on arrival was no, I am not moving here. The only 2 available apartments left had a terrible view – the other side of the building. You must understand at this point that I am giving up a lot by ruling out this accommodation as an option, for the sake of the view. It was brand new, fully furnished including kitchen appliances, provided wifi and all expenses were covered – you just had to pay the rent. I would be living literally a doorstep away from my colleagues, and to top it off transportation was provided to and from our work location. So even though my first impression was no, I still saved this apartment as an option for its numerous benefits.

I sought refuge from this analytical confusion in trusting my intuition. Now I just needed to quieten the chatter in my mind. Like a child running to a parent for help, I found myself turning to God.

The second apartment I was shown was in the heart of the city and overlooking the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque of Fujairah. I was walking into the hotel (my temporary residence at the time) when I looked across the road and saw a new building with a “To Let” sign. It advertised offices, shops and flats. I was drawn to it in an inexplicable way. I walked across the road and into the entrance of the building. The watchman took me for a tour to see all the available 1 bedroom apartments. This building had 2 obvious advantages – it was a 3 minute walk from my work and it was owned by an Emirati – a local – which meant air-conditioning costs were covered and my electricity bill would be minor.  Based on my personal taste, I particularly loved the fact that it had huge windows that generously let sunlight in a few hours of the day. The downside of this apartment is that it is on a lower floor, and if you look towards the window from across the room, you would actually see the side of a 4-story parking lot.  To see the mosque or anything at all, you would have to walk up to the window and look out. It was entirely empty, I would be spending a lot of my salary on furniture for a good 4 months. The fact that it wasn’t exactly “perfect” and over my budget, my search was unfortunately not over yet.

It was at this point that I felt my decision was already made, that my heart was set on the apartment by the mosque, that I was just looking around town to confirm my decision.

I think I checked out over 10 buildings across the city. All the apartments I saw had some sort of “flaw”. It was at this point that I felt my decision was already made, that my heart was set on the apartment by the mosque, that I was just looking around town to confirm my decision. Was I 100% convinced that this is it? No. I visited the same apartment multiple times and looked around again, and negotiated further with the landlord. It wasn’t easy for me to make a decision because again, there were too many factors to consider. I sought refuge from this analytical confusion in trusting my intuition. Now I just needed to quieten the chatter in my mind. Like a child running to a parent for help, I found myself turning to God. I prayed that if this apartment would be for my best interest, the moving process would be smooth and my mind would be at ease. I relaxed, everything went smoothly from then on and here I am typing this very paragraph from my bedroom looking out towards the mosque.  ”Behold , the youths betook themselves to the Cave : they said , Our Lord ! bestow on us Mercy from Thyself , and dispose of our affair for us in the right way” – Quran, Surat Al Kahf, Aya 10.

Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means we can change our first impressions by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions – Malcolm Gladwell, BLINK.

Coincidently while I was making all these decisions the past few months, I was reading a book called “BLINK – The Power of Thinking without Thinking” by Malcolm Gladwell. My teacher, Dr. Ganesh Mohan had recommended the book last November in Hong Kong when I was attending his 5th module on Yoga Therapy with focus on Psychology & Psychiatry.

Malcolm proposes the idea that when we make decisions on the spur of the moment, it is a trust in our first impression. Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means we can change our first impressions by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions. Being in a new city and working with a new team meant I was having many first impressions. For instance, on my first day I met all my fellow coaches, one of which was Csillag, a fairly attractive Spinning Instructor from Hungary. Back in middle school the attractive girls were the popular ones, and I was casted as a “nerd”. Short legs, big curly hair and a face full of spots weren’t exactly favorable features. So growing up, I avoided interaction with athletic, attractive looking women and only befriended them if they approached me first. I carried this impression and behavior with me to this day.

Here we have made two rather strong assumptions. One, that (the kind, beautiful and thoughtful, by the way) Csillag is a snob. Two, that I would have a platonic relationship with Kyle.

I remember distinctly sitting with my best friend at home on the couch, just a few days before I flew out to the UAE. We were on Instagram on IRISIN’s page. I wanted to show her a video they had posted, a collective of all the instructors saying a few words to entice prospective clients. We shared our first impressions of each instructor. We improvised a story – that Csillag is so full of herself, and that the black guy (Kyle) would be my bestie, someone I would definitely talk to about how Csillag is a snob. Here we have made two rather strong assumptions. One, that (the kind, beautiful and thoughtful, by the way) Csillag is a snob. Two, that I would have a platonic relationship with Kyle. Guessing that my friend has the same insecurity I have towards more attractive women, it’s clear why we casted Csillag as a snob. As for Kyle, he sounded cool, easy going and he was the only one with a clear English accent. Part of me believes that’s the main reason we casted him as my good friend. But if I am being honest, I know it was partly because he was black (my friend and I are both Arab and our association with blacks especially with respect to dating is very minimal). Not that my real relationship with Csillag and Kyle is relevant to this blog post, but just to satisfy the reader’s curiosity, so far, out of the entire team, I have connected with Csillag and Kyle the most. I found that I have a lot more in common with these two than anybody else. And yes, Csillag approached me first – I would have never made the first move.

This is an example of how your first impression might be mistaken for “intuition”. Since my impression of Csillag was generated by my experience back in middle school, it’s possible that my impression of IRISIN and my current position is also generated by past experiences.

Imagine all the thoughts and beliefs that are embedded deep within your unconscious, that are orchestrating how your life unfolds..

My first impression of Csillag was then wrong. This is an example of how your first impression might be mistaken for “intuition”. Since my impression of Csillag was generated by my experience back in middle school, it’s possible that my impression of IRISIN and my current position is also generated by past experiences. To name one simple memory, I had already been to Fujairah before and knew what it would be like living here. I remember looking out towards the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque from my friend’s balcony and expressing my awe for it’s architecture. Imagine all the thoughts and beliefs that are embedded deep within your unconscious, that are orchestrating how your life unfolds..

Spontaneity then, is not random. How good your decisions are on the spur of a moment is a result of certain rules, and practice.

In chapter 3 Malcolm tells a story about the time he attended a show for an improvisation comedy group called Mother, in Manhattan’s west side. They get up on stage, with no idea what they are going to perform – the plot setting would be randomly suggested by the audience. They would then each portray a character and begin the act..spontaneously.

“At no time as the narrative unfolded did anyone stumble or freeze or look lost”, says Malcolm. “The action proceeded smoothly as though the actors had rehearsed for days. The truth is improv isn’t random or chaotic at all”. He says the cast of Mother in fact get together every week to rehearse their presence on stage. “We think of what we’re doing as a lot like basketball,” one of the Mother players said. Basketball is an intricate, high speed game filled with split-second spontaneous decisions. But that spontaneity is possible only when everyone first engages in hours of highly repetitive and structured practice – perfecting their shooting, dribbling, and passing and running plays over and over again – and agrees to play a carefully defined role on the court.” Spontaneity then, is not random. How good your decisions are on the spur of a moment is a result of certain rules, and practice.

I can walk into a class with absolutely no plan written on paper and impulsively guide a class full of students to a back-bending flow. Would I have been able to do this 6 years ago when I started teaching? No. This took years of practice, training and familiarizing myself with the rules.

This reminds me of teaching a yoga class with spontaneity. It is not random. I hear yoga teachers say all the time – “sometimes I have a class planned out, but when I walk in, and feel the energy in the room, I instantly know what sequence I will be teaching and often times it is not the same as the one I had planned”. This may result in a spontaneous theme and flow, but it is not random at all. I’ll explain why. Let’s say I want to teach a yoga class focused on back-bends, there are certain rules I would need to follow. To prepare the body, I would work on mobilization of your thoracic spine and shoulders, awareness of breath, strengthening your core, abdominal and gluteal muscles, lengthening and stretching the frontal body. There is another set of rules to follow to get into a backbend safely. I can walk into a class with absolutely no plan written on paper and impulsively guide a class full of students to a back-bending flow. Would I have been able to do this 6 years ago when I started teaching? No. This took years of practice, training and familiarizing myself with the rules.

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be practiced on a mountain top or on your Lululemon yoga mat.

The Bhagavad Gita, a great spiritual scripture delivers a powerful message – Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self. That is why yoga practice is called a practice, it is a journey. One practice at a time, one experience at a time you are a step closer to your truest self. If you feel lost or you are unhappy with where you are, yoga does not ask you to reject it or even try to change your experience. If you are well into depression you cannot easily “change” your experience. Yoga invites you to create new experiences that reflect a happier you. Do something that makes you feel joy and do it mindfully. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be practiced on a mountain top or on your Lululemon yoga mat. Be mindful while you’re dancing, swimming, washing the dishes, painting, conversing etc. Sadhguru, an Indian Yogi and mystic (and may I say one of my favorite people in the world) says that “we are not doing anything far different from what other creatures are doing. They are born, we are born, they grow up, we grow up, they reproduce, we reproduce, they die, we die. But these same simple things, we conduct them consciously. That is the significant thing about being human.”

By making the unconscious conscious, you can change your unconscious behaviors, your physical experiences, your thoughts, your beliefs. These change your perceptions, your first impressions – the ones that tell you to sign that contract, to travel to that country, to marry that person.

Thankfully I am happy with all my decisions at the moment. Not everyday is fortunate but there are so many blessings in each day. I try to practice mindfulness throughout the day – it helps me enjoy the blessings and understand the lessons in the burdens.

If I have learned one thing as a student of yoga, it is to become conscious of the patterns in the mind and body. By making the unconscious conscious, you can change your unconscious behaviors, your physical experiences, your thoughts, your beliefs. These change your perceptions, your first impressions – the ones that tell you to sign that contract, to travel to that country, to marry that person. And have faith in yourself – our first impressions may fail us sometimes but keep on trusting your instincts. Commit to it. Kyle repeats a saying whenever he makes a decision and then starts doubting – “No, I’m going to commit to this”. It’s probably not to his knowledge but it has inspired me so much. Eventually your decisions will align with what you want and what truly makes you happy. You begin to make decisions that are kinder to you. With practice, your first impressions reflect your true, kind self.

After all, that is what I personally believe to be the meaning of the saying “practice and all is coming”, Guruji Pattabhi Jois, and it is not just reference to practicing the physical postures of yoga. Isn’t it possible then that you can actually revolutionize the way you make life-changing decisions and change your life forever?

حُب وكُنون

love & inner peace,

rawan